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When it comes to needlessly explaining the 3,000% self-explanatory, though, this guy has to be the undisputed world champion: I MEAN COME RIGHT THE FUCK ON, DUDE. He, too, would like to reassure you that he’s straight edge, but he also doesn’t want you to know what he looks like because if there’s one thing you don’t wanna share on a dating website it’s your looks. I realize this is the second piece I’ve written today which could be considered “pro-drug,” and that this may lead some of you to worry about me. Like I told all those people at my intervention last week, I so DO NOT have a problem!
As a bonus, he’s so invested in finding someone via this site that he spent zero whole seconds thinking of his user name: There are some scene kids on the site, though, who appear to be just the regular amount of cliché and stupid, not extra-super-duper-maximum-strength dumb and boiler plate: And then there’s this girl who is obsessed with unicorns: So what are you waiting for, three straight edge readers of Metal Sucks? I just traded my sister to this guy for a bag of weed: P. [ Metal Sucks will be closed Monday in observance of Martin Luther King Day, but we return Tuesday with more premieres, more interviews, more snark, more everything.
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I totally understand why it works, but I also find it really, really funny.
The latest site to idiot-proof online dating is Date Edge, which, if the name didn’t tip you off, is specifically for straight edge people.
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