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15-Jul-2020 00:30

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Maybe you just stopped believing in the kind of naive love that you can only trust when you're young. Embrace your new reality For every 20-something entering the gay dating scene full of wide-eyed wonder, there's a 50-something (or a 60-, 70- or older-something) man back on the market after a relationship ends. Your next romantic partner will benefit from all of that, and from your passions for the life that's in front of you. Give up trying to be perfect, too, especially if that's a code word for "young." Yes, it's important to take care of your body and your health, but no need to obsess.

But what about the deeper, more mature love that allows for the wide spectrum of experience and truth? One is learning the rules; the other has "been there, dated that" and wonders, "Now what? Instead of trying to be 25 again, get comfortable in your skin. That way, when someone touches you, they'll really feel you, and not a bundle of self-critical tension.

For example, if you like the outdoors, join a gay hiking or walking group, and meet men while you get fresh air and exercise.

Focus on smaller parties, events centered on hobbies and interests, and volunteer opportunities.

Especially at this stage of life, why would you want a relationship that doesn't bring you happiness?

I can think of something far worse than being single, gay and older. Dave Singleton works for AARP Publications and has written two books and numerous columns on dating and relationships.

The truth is that sometimes when you want a relationship so badly, you draft the first reasonable candidate.

Or you're miserable because there's no prospect on the horizon. Don't settle for anything less than chemistry, shared values/lifestyle/goals, trust, and a growing and abiding friendship.

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Bette Davis used to say, "Getting older ain't for sissies." Amen!



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